P is for Preoccupied, G is for Guilt


Yesterday, Ryan asks me a question that made me stop in my tracks. Ok not exactly stop, because I was driving after school pickup and it wouldn’t have been a good idea. 

Amma, why are you so Preoccupied always?

 “What?”

Yes preoccupied. You’re always busy with something when I talk to you.”

Well I am driving now.” I say, laughing weakly and feeling a pang of guilt.

He doesn’t say anymore. And we drive the rest of the way in silence. Me stewing inwardly in maternal guilt. 

Am I? I wonder….sure I look at the phone when they talk to me sometimes. I absentmindedly agree to things they ask while thinking something else entirely. Some days, we are just going through the motions of parenting and schedules. But that’s OK isn’t it? It’s normal right? Gulp…

We get home and the kids are playing or fighting or playing which is pretty much the same these days. I sit there wondering if I am cut out for this Mom job. Wondering if they will be ok. Wondering if all the other Moms have nailed this. 

A little while later Ryan comes up and says “You’re also Peculiar.

Hmmm…OK I maybe. But he’s too young to know that. I thought I hid that peculiar side of me well enough!

An hour later, he again comes up and states “You’re Plump too!

Right. Did not want to hear that stated out. Thank you very much.

But wait I see a Pattern here.

Ryan, come here. What did you learn at school today?

We learnt words that start with the letter P. Preoccupied..Peculiar..Plump..Pompous….

Ah, the Proverbial Penny drops. So that’s what it’s about! 

Ah ok. Off you go.” I give him a quick peck on his cheek, the guilt slightly lifting off me. 

We also did Math. Do you wanna hear about the sum I solved?

Me, looking at my phone distractedly…”Mmm? Oh yes, I am sure Math was great. Well done. Now go tell Steve all about it?

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