If I had to do it all over again


If I had to do it all over again,
I wouldn’t change a thing.
Not the age gap,
“How do you handle a 3 year old AND a 1 year old alone?”
Not your dusky skin tone,
“The brothers are very different looking, aren’t they?”
Not the deeper incision on my abdomen,
Each C/sec weakens the ab muscles more.
Not the dark circles around my eyes,
Sleep deprivation is the essence of the moment.

Oh yes wait, there are a few things I’d change.

I’d hold you a while longer while you drifted off to sleep.

I’d laugh more with you instead of hurrying off to another chore.

I’d store up your baby breath under my pillow. And anoint my dreams with it at night.

You’re already one. All tufty hair and shaky steps and bye-bye waving and pointing at objects…

You’re hurrying behind your brother, trying to catch up. Wanting to ride the cycle, trying to colour with crayons, trying to pile on the Lego blocks. In such a hurry to grow up, and you have no idea that a person here is wishing she could slow down the time.

Happy birthday, lil Steve. For the child who gives me a second shot at pulling off this ‘parenting’ act. For a child who is the quintessential ‘Amma’s boy’. For a perfect lil sibling for Ryan. For a toothless grin on a Bad day which lifts up my spirits like nothing else.

Note: It’s a kind of an annual tradition to ensure I write one birthday post for Ryan and Steve every year.

Click here if you want to read the previous birthday’s blog entries:

Ryan’s first birthday post

Ryan’s second birthday post

On the day Steve was born

Ryan’s third birthday post

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4 thoughts on “If I had to do it all over again

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