Lessons from Bollywood

Ghosts are women with white saris and flowing hair.

The old caretaker at the house is called ‘Ramu Kaka’ and wears a red towel on his shoulders.

The couple only find the deserted temple AFTER they get completely drenched.

South Indians speak heavily accented Hindi and are all Madrasis with 3 white streaks on their forehead.

Sardars have nothing better to do than invite strangers into their home, feed them lassi and pat them on their backs saying ‘Balle-Balle’.

No Holi, Diwali or Karva Chauth is never complete without a song. The colours, diyas and moon are only secondary factors.

Comedians either sport a Charlie Chaplin moustache and wear suspenders or talk in an irritating nasal tone and have a ‘funny’ tic.

The heroine wears skimpy clothes even when they are dancing on the Alps in sub-zero temperatures.

The hero wears a minimum of three layers of clothing – shirt, waist-coat and coat plus sun-glasses.

All heroes are established guitar players and great at chopping wood with axes without their shirts on.

All people who are hit on the head and dumped in the river will wash up on the other bank and be rescued and healed by fishermen or monks.

Bollywood Equations: Rain song = Transparent saree, Holi Song = Impossibly white salwar, College song = Tight miniskirt (which makes you wonder which was more vulgar – the saree or the skirt)

All movies have “Happies Endings”… “Lekin agar End mein sab kuch theek na ho to woh the end nahi hain dosto.. Picture abhi baaki hai,mere dost”

Owing to the well-informed comments of my readers, I am adding a few more lessons from B-wood:

The hero is usually called Raj and is a London/US graduate or a business tycoon.

When the evil villain tries to rape our nubile heroine, her only two retorts are either “Bachao, mujhe bachao” or “Nahin…Mujhe Bhagwan ke liye chhor do…”

Hero’s mother is usually a whiny widow, dressed in white with hair pulled back in a bun and a hideous streak of white in her pitch black hair.

Hero does B.A and wanders the roads of Mumbai clutching his file while ‘NO VACANCY’ signal flash on the screen.


In spite of all these clichés, I love my Bollywood to bits! Long live the extravagance, unrealistic love stories and SRK! 😀

If you can think of any more valuable ‘lessons’, drop in a line and I’ll add them here. I was too lazy to think up all of ’em.

Happy weekend everyone and Eid Mubarak in advance!

I have a Facebook fan page which is starting to show signs of dehydration in terms of fan count. So if any of my kind readers would do me the favour of going and liking my page, ‘ppreciate it a lot!


21 thoughts on “Lessons from Bollywood

    • Seriously…wats fun if you don’t have so much colour and fakeness in the movies. And dont forget the two roses, or two doves which are shown to depict the ‘happenings’ of the first night..hehehe..*faints*

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Lessons from Bollywood « And thats the Way I see It…. -- Topsy.com

  2. well, there can be more……like

    Hero’s mom would be a widow, can be taken as granted……
    Villains shoots one of his side kicks …….

    i saw this pattern in 70’s-80’s movies when hero or heroines used to do only BA as graduation………all of them would be BA…..no BSc, BCom, alll BA….. no engineer………… and they all will be unemployed……which created negative image of BA in Indian youth that if you’ll be a BA graduate….you won’t get jobs…… which is why….everyone moved to engineering in the 90’s and the millennium……. and now everybody is an engineer ………………this is how Indian cinema affects Indian youth……… copying goti or haircuts….. are the short term affects….

  3. Excellent job for knowing so much about Bollywood. My daughter goes to a convent and she remembers all the Christian festivals and Muslim ones too, but when it comes to remembering the Hindu festivals being a Hindu, she does not think it important to do so. Today is Ganesh Chaturthi and entire India celebrates that so does Bollywood, including Mr.SRK. Indians need to remember Indian festivals and also show empathy and oneness with all too.We are very tolerant people here, so here is wishing you a very happy Ganesh Chaturthi along with Eid.And a happy weekend too. God bless you.Do keep on writing and remembering the Hindus as well.

  4. Here are some:

    # When the bad guy is half way raping the heroine or hero’s sister, she screams out “Nahin…Mujhe Bhagwan ke liye chhor do…”

    # a well-to-do good guy is mostly a London/US graduate or business tycoon

    Excellent work on this. Thanks for the post!

  5. Honestly, This is one post that I have laughed from the start to end. Will find it’s place in my list of favorite posts.

    This is also the first post I read on your blog.

    Already your blog’s fan now 😀

    Keep posting

    @sanz4u on twitter

  6. Looks this post has really struck a chord with us movie buufs.. thank you for the lovely comments. On my way to updating the posts with the cliches you have mentioned 🙂

  7. hey u forgot an essential story line from yester bollywood films; most siblings get lost during a fair or 1 of them is kidnapped by a villan, and thy r destined to meet towards the end of the movie 😀

  8. Hai dear good post…

    i have always wondered about one thing, i have noticed a lot in kollywood though..the heroine will always be with mini skirts,even in a village,or some short dresses…but the moment she falls in love, bang….. she is dressed in a saree!!! and will be shedding loads of tears….hehehe…

    :-),i enjoyed reading it


  9. Loved this piece. Here is my humble contribution – #Heroes
    name can be Raj or Rahul #Heroines often walks away,turn back and
    slightly smile at the hero – this is how the hero and the audience
    understand that they are in love. #The parents would have taught
    the children a typical song, so that incase they get separated
    later, the children can always sing and meet before ‘THE END’ for a
    happy ending

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