The old caretaker at the house is called ‘Ramu Kaka’ and wears a red towel on his shoulders.
The couple only find the deserted temple AFTER they get completely drenched.
South Indians speak heavily accented Hindi and are all Madrasis with 3 white streaks on their forehead.
Sardars have nothing better to do than invite strangers into their home, feed them lassi and pat them on their backs saying ‘Balle-Balle’.
No Holi, Diwali or Karva Chauth is never complete without a song. The colours, diyas and moon are only secondary factors.
Comedians either sport a Charlie Chaplin moustache and wear suspenders or talk in an irritating nasal tone and have a ‘funny’ tic.
The heroine wears skimpy clothes even when they are dancing on the Alps in sub-zero temperatures.
The hero wears a minimum of three layers of clothing – shirt, waist-coat and coat plus sun-glasses.
All heroes are established guitar players and great at chopping wood with axes without their shirts on.
All people who are hit on the head and dumped in the river will wash up on the other bank and be rescued and healed by fishermen or monks.
Bollywood Equations: Rain song = Transparent saree, Holi Song = Impossibly white salwar, College song = Tight miniskirt (which makes you wonder which was more vulgar – the saree or the skirt)
All movies have “Happies Endings”… “Lekin agar End mein sab kuch theek na ho to woh the end nahi hain dosto.. Picture abhi baaki hai,mere dost”
Owing to the well-informed comments of my readers, I am adding a few more lessons from B-wood:
The hero is usually called Raj and is a London/US graduate or a business tycoon.
When the evil villain tries to rape our nubile heroine, her only two retorts are either “Bachao, mujhe bachao” or “Nahin…Mujhe Bhagwan ke liye chhor do…”
Hero’s mother is usually a whiny widow, dressed in white with hair pulled back in a bun and a hideous streak of white in her pitch black hair.
Hero does B.A and wanders the roads of Mumbai clutching his file while ‘NO VACANCY’ signal flash on the screen.
In spite of all these clichés, I love my Bollywood to bits! Long live the extravagance, unrealistic love stories and SRK! 😀
If you can think of any more valuable ‘lessons’, drop in a line and I’ll add them here. I was too lazy to think up all of ’em.
Happy weekend everyone and Eid Mubarak in advance!
I have a Facebook fan page which is starting to show signs of dehydration in terms of fan count. So if any of my kind readers would do me the favour of going and liking my page, ‘ppreciate it a lot!