My Personal Whackometer

This post was supposed to be written almost  a week  ago for Blogadda’s Whackit contest. But I missed the timeline owing to personal timelines or rather the lack of time 😦

But the positive side of this is that  instead of restricting myself to 5 incidents of whack-deserving behaviour( as per the contest rules) I can let my judgemental side take over and list as many as I please. And trust me, it ‘pleases’ me immensely to write about this.Gives me an adrenaline rush 🙂 

I want to dedicate this post to all my girlfriends,female colleagues and my 2 sisters for all those endless hours we spend talking about the below mentioned specimens. Also special mention to my husband for his patient listening/pretending to listen to my ‘I hate it when….’ talks. 

So here is my list : 

Region-partial Indians : Now before you start shaking your heads at my audacity, let me rephrase by saying that I have only met a handful of these types with this attitude and there are many of my lovely countrymen out there too. But oh , how my hand twitches to whack those who think that the whole world must know their mother tongue, be it Hindi,Tamil,Marathi… Yup it must be the same language whether you are in India , UK or Antarctica.For gods sake people , it would help to see there is a world beyond the ‘daal-rotis’ and ‘idlis’ . 

Personal Whackometer : 3 whacks 

The Narcissists/Weird Parents : Now the narcissists never tire of clicking photographs of themselves on their own. Never mind that sometimes, it’s just their left nostril or a finger or part of their fringe which appears in the photo, they must nevertheless post it on Facebook or some other social networking site. Whack,whack for their over-confidence and plain stupidity. And gentle taps on the knuckles of those who actually click ‘Like’ for these pictures. 

Weird Parents are those newbie parents so proud of their new bundle of joy, that they click a fuzzy , bawling image of their ‘oh-cho-chweet’ baby and post it as their FB profile pic!!!! Why o why, must the world see your child’s pic where your own worthy image must adorn??!!!! 

Personal Whackometer : 4 whacks

Rude kids and their parents : After having a child of my own now, I have developed  a natural tolerance for children and their ‘nakras’. But many a time, behind my sugar-coated smile lurks an angry glare reserved for the few kids who love to irritate namely:

– Kids who stare at you for extended periods of time without batting an eyelid,sometimes digging their nose thoughtfully.

– Kids who wail and bawl and spit in public while their parents instead of administering the whack which is truly deserved ,watch admiringly over their nuisance-creating wards.A tight whack for the parents also.

Personal Whackometer : 6 whacks ( 4 for parents + 2 for kids)

‘Fakers and Shakers’ : These fakers have an uncanny ability to fake any Western accent at the drop of a pin. Before you can say ‘Shameless!’ they have changed their accent from their normal localised one to something else. Now what this something else is depends on the sort of foreigner they are conversing with. There will be rolling of r’s and faked huskiness and punctuations of ‘ummm..hmmm, gosh,etc’.What I would really like to do to these fakers is walk up to them, kindly ask the foreigner to step aside and then…Whackity..Whackity..Whack!!! I wonder if they will scream at me in their actual accents or not!!! 😛

Personal Whackometer : 6 whacks

Girls with Selective Amnesia/Blindness : These bugging females conveniently forget something vital about you or even worse walk past you pretending not to see you. At the particular instant they pass you, they become very absorbed looking at their feet, or the floor , or worse, a spot just behind your ear.Yes you wouldn’t know, but ask these girls and they will tell you the spot behind a person ear holds a marvellous view. Of course you can give a double whack if the same person is later seen waving madly at someone else, usually a man, even if he is a few hundred metres away. And yes she does remember his grandmother’s name he had mentioned a few gazillion years ago. 

Personal Whackometer : 7 whacks 

Favouritism at Workplace : Ooookkkk…we all relate with this one eh? Some of us are always on the sidelines watching the boss spreading his goodwill among the ‘chosen few’. Havent we all at sometimes wanted to whack that cheerful superior and his beaming, angelic protegé both. Or better, just bang their smiling heads into each other.That would mean a huge slip from the rickety rung of the corporate ladder. So we’ll  just have to keep mum and play out the whacking in our heads for now. 

Personal Whackometer : 7 whacks 



‘Busy’bodies : These are not your usual busybodies. These are the ‘no’bodies pretending to be ‘some’bodies by acting  busy all the time at office. They pretend not to see you when you loom large over their desks and wait at least five agonising minutes before uttering some noncommittal response to your queries. They adorn every office in the world, be it the Indian government offices where they flick lazily through decade-old files and make you practically beg for their attention. Or the hi-fi corporate offices , where they stare at their computer monitors intently and type noisily at a heady speed. BTW, these ‘busy’bodies are my no. 1 target for whack practice. 

Personal Whackometer : 9 whacks 

And on that slightly violent note, I end my post 🙂 Weekend winding up here…Hope everybody had a good weekend!!!


21 thoughts on “My Personal Whackometer

  1. I personally love the ‘fakers and shakers’ bit and would love to contribute a whack or two from my side too. There are a few of these in my office and how I would love to calmly go behind them and give one whack on the back of their head!!

    Too bad you could not post it for the contest. I’m sure you would have ‘whacked’ off a few winners 🙂

    • Haha…I know jus wat u mean.I have a few specimen in my office as well who
      I have mentally whacked a zillion times over.n thank u soooo much for commenting on my post!!! 🙂

  2. Chechi loved the way you have written it, especially the ‘fakers and shaker’. So wish some of the people I know read tis from my old office. Was surrounded with those types. hi hi :))

    • u know wat?dat seems like the full corporate trend now…all des dumb wannabes.n here i was thinking this only happened outside India….:)n thank u for d comment.:) more traffic + comments on blog = happier me 🙂

  3. Hahaha!! I love it!! Especially the ‘Fakers and Shakers’ and ‘Favouritism at Workplace’ Wish I could WHACK the ang moh wannabes & that ‘Boss’ a ZILLION times over!! 😉

  4. I know somebody who puts on the most annoying accent & i dun just wish that i can whack up dat face but also throw a shoe at her sometimes! whack..whack..shoe comin rite up..whack again hehe!! 😉

  5. As for my personal hate list, I’d say “Wannabes” top it by quite a huge margin… u know; the most pathetic looking and painfully pedestrian village girl trying hard to be the next ms. congeniality as soon as she sets foot on foreign soil…this exercise involves quite a lot of skimpy outfits, going out with any guy who offers to take u out/ hinting every guy that u’re free to be taken out, late late nights @ pubs where everyone drinks and u pretend that had it not been for your highly disciplined upbringing, u’d have engaged in an all out tequila war with the most seasoned of regulars…”i’ll just have a mocktail”…flirting which resembles a female chimp sending signals out to her mate…and the topping of course being “yaay” (straight out of phoebe’s mouth) “cooooooooooollllll” (rising monotone which often resembles a metro train approaching the platform and the vintage “u kick ass maaaaaaaaaaannnn” which would put michael holding to shame… 😀
    Good one girl… Favouritism at Workplace rang a familiar bell… enjoyed reading it… and lets have more categories the next time… 🙂

  6. Way to go muchkins,I have one for you,people who go to others home ,have a meal and complain about the food ,and even give tips on how to improve it but don’t stop eating it.

    Then there are women and their doormat husbands who just want to keep giving jibbing remarks about things they have got from you or a favour they have recieved from you.These ungrateful ,taking for granted ,for some reason, ‘never punsished by God…. yet’ creatures need to be whacked every day atleast a 100 times..
    P.S.Did I mention they always smile or laugh when then say or do these things?Thats when I want to go beyond whacking and rip that smile of their faces.

  7. Hey good one.. was a nice read and yea!! i will accompany you for almost all whacks.. 🙂 So many annoying specimens we encounter in our daily life..

  8. woa… the accent one is a tricky one, and I say this cos im now in the field of teaching ESL (English as a Second Language).

    Asides from those… parents and their babes are my fav. Id love to whack the ones who think, ”they’re only children, they’ll learn when they’re older”…. Uhm… yeah… when u stop to look beyond their awesomeness (NOT) and teach them otherwise!

    Whack away please, by all means, and then some!

  9. Hilarious post 🙂
    All of those in your list do need a serious whack.
    I so agree with the people who flood my wall with updates of their kids.grrrrr…
    I get irritated with people who keep talking about customs saying’ Humare Yahan aisa hi hota hai’

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