But the positive side of this is that instead of restricting myself to 5 incidents of whack-deserving behaviour( as per the contest rules) I can let my judgemental side take over and list as many as I please. And trust me, it ‘pleases’ me immensely to write about this.Gives me an adrenaline rush 🙂
I want to dedicate this post to all my girlfriends,female colleagues and my 2 sisters for all those endless hours we spend talking about the below mentioned specimens. Also special mention to my husband for his patient listening/pretending to listen to my ‘I hate it when….’ talks.
So here is my list :
Region-partial Indians : Now before you start shaking your heads at my audacity, let me rephrase by saying that I have only met a handful of these types with this attitude and there are many of my lovely countrymen out there too. But oh , how my hand twitches to whack those who think that the whole world must know their mother tongue, be it Hindi,Tamil,Marathi… Yup it must be the same language whether you are in India , UK or Antarctica.For gods sake people , it would help to see there is a world beyond the ‘daal-rotis’ and ‘idlis’ .
Personal Whackometer : 3 whacks
The Narcissists/Weird Parents : Now the narcissists never tire of clicking photographs of themselves on their own. Never mind that sometimes, it’s just their left nostril or a finger or part of their fringe which appears in the photo, they must nevertheless post it on Facebook or some other social networking site. Whack,whack for their over-confidence and plain stupidity. And gentle taps on the knuckles of those who actually click ‘Like’ for these pictures.
Weird Parents are those newbie parents so proud of their new bundle of joy, that they click a fuzzy , bawling image of their ‘oh-cho-chweet’ baby and post it as their FB profile pic!!!! Why o why, must the world see your child’s pic where your own worthy image must adorn??!!!!
Personal Whackometer : 4 whacks
Rude kids and their parents : After having a child of my own now, I have developed a natural tolerance for children and their ‘nakras’. But many a time, behind my sugar-coated smile lurks an angry glare reserved for the few kids who love to irritate namely:
– Kids who stare at you for extended periods of time without batting an eyelid,sometimes digging their nose thoughtfully.
– Kids who wail and bawl and spit in public while their parents instead of administering the whack which is truly deserved ,watch admiringly over their nuisance-creating wards.A tight whack for the parents also.
Personal Whackometer : 6 whacks ( 4 for parents + 2 for kids)
‘Fakers and Shakers’ : These fakers have an uncanny ability to fake any Western accent at the drop of a pin. Before you can say ‘Shameless!’ they have changed their accent from their normal localised one to something else. Now what this something else is depends on the sort of foreigner they are conversing with. There will be rolling of r’s and faked huskiness and punctuations of ‘ummm..hmmm, gosh,etc’.What I would really like to do to these fakers is walk up to them, kindly ask the foreigner to step aside and then…Whackity..Whackity..Whack!!! I wonder if they will scream at me in their actual accents or not!!! 😛
Personal Whackometer : 6 whacks
Girls with Selective Amnesia/Blindness : These bugging females conveniently forget something vital about you or even worse walk past you pretending not to see you. At the particular instant they pass you, they become very absorbed looking at their feet, or the floor , or worse, a spot just behind your ear.Yes you wouldn’t know, but ask these girls and they will tell you the spot behind a person ear holds a marvellous view. Of course you can give a double whack if the same person is later seen waving madly at someone else, usually a man, even if he is a few hundred metres away. And yes she does remember his grandmother’s name he had mentioned a few gazillion years ago.
Personal Whackometer : 7 whacks
Favouritism at Workplace : Ooookkkk…we all relate with this one eh? Some of us are always on the sidelines watching the boss spreading his goodwill among the ‘chosen few’. Havent we all at sometimes wanted to whack that cheerful superior and his beaming, angelic protegé both. Or better, just bang their smiling heads into each other.That would mean a huge slip from the rickety rung of the corporate ladder. So we’ll just have to keep mum and play out the whacking in our heads for now.
Personal Whackometer : 7 whacks
‘Busy’bodies : These are not your usual busybodies. These are the ‘no’bodies pretending to be ‘some’bodies by acting busy all the time at office. They pretend not to see you when you loom large over their desks and wait at least five agonising minutes before uttering some noncommittal response to your queries. They adorn every office in the world, be it the Indian government offices where they flick lazily through decade-old files and make you practically beg for their attention. Or the hi-fi corporate offices , where they stare at their computer monitors intently and type noisily at a heady speed. BTW, these ‘busy’bodies are my no. 1 target for whack practice.
Personal Whackometer : 9 whacks
And on that slightly violent note, I end my post 🙂 Weekend winding up here…Hope everybody had a good weekend!!!